There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
