Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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