white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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