My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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