it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
