I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I won the penis lottery.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
