somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
