if i can run in heels then i can drive
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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