They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
