I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
