Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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