you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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