Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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