you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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