I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
