Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
