My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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