The maid of honor just puked.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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