I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
