And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
