I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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