i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
