I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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