69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i've created a new STD.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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