singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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