hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
