We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize