i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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