i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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