ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
