it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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