the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize