I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dear god my vagina.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
