I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
