i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
