dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
