Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
