She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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