i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
