wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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