She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
