i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
