im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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