this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
