Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
