i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
