id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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