I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
