Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
