so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do vagina's smell?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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