How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
