WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
