You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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