I wish I only lived at night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
