Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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