She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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