Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
