so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
