1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
