Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize