I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
