All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize