I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
