I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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