i just had sex bonerless
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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