What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
