i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
