Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
